Nostradamus magyar útikönyve

Forrás: Sztárklikk

A leírás a képzelet szüleménye, mindennemű hasonlóság a valósággal csupán a véletlen műve (vagy a jóstehetségé)…

 

Útikönyv turistáknak – Kiadási év: 2030

 

Az ország neve: Magyar Focialista Királyság

Államformája: királyság

Területe: 93.000 km2 (az ország uralkodója ezt vitatja)

Lakosainak száma: 3 millió fő (8 millió ember külföldre távozott a nagy koronázás előtt, így letelepedési kötvénnyel és baráti országok lakosainak áttelepítésével próbálták növelni a lakosság számát).

Itt élő nemzetiségek: román, török, ukrán, orosz, észak-koreai, kínai, szórványosan magyar őslakosok

Nyelve: agyar (eredeti forrása a magyar nyelv volt, melyet primitív, alpári stílusúra módosítottak, a korábbi helyesírási szabályokat pedig eltörölték)

Uralkodó: I. Gólkirály Viktor (2010-) – halála után legidősebb fia örökli a trónt

Parlament: nincs, a király személyesen irányítja az országot, döntéseit 100.000 fős udvartartása hajtja végre

Bíróság: nincs, minden ügyben a király hoz döntést

Királyi fogadóóra: minden év május 31. , 10:00 – 10:15-ig (előzetes bejelentkezés alapján) (mivel ez a király születésnapja, a fogadott személynek – saját érdekében – illik ajándékot vinnie)

Tagja-e az Európai Uniónak: nem

Tagja-e nemzetközi szervezetnek: igen, a Nemzetközi Diktátorszövetségnek

Főváros: Felcsút megapolisz

Sport: kiemelt nemzeti sport a futball, de a király évente megrendezi az olimpiai játékokat az ókori gladiátorjátékok mintájára

A király lakhelye: Felcsút, Királyi Vár (nem látogatható, nem fényképezhető). A vár érdekessége, hogy korábban Budán állt, innen szállították át kövenként az új fővárosba.

Oktatás: jellemző végzettség 4 általános (de ez sem kötelező), idegen nyelv tanulása, olvasás szigorúan tiltott.

Tudományos Akadémia: elnök: Prof. Dr. Mészáros Lőrinc (tagok: Dr Kósa Lajos, Dr. Németh Szilárd); minden tudományos döntést ez a trió hoz meg.

Infrastruktúra: a király lakhelyén kívül nincs fejlesztés, a lakosság számára az áram- és vízhasználat korlátozott.

Média: királyi média (1 csatorna a király beszédeit sugározza 24 órában, 1 csatorna a magyar focimeccseket, 1 csatorna pedig a királyi propagandát közvetíti), nyomtatott sajtó nincs

Kultúra: régebbi nyomtatott könyvek, folyóiratok nem elérhetőek, többségük lángok martaléka lett a koronázás fénypontjaként. Könyvtárakban, múzeumokban csak a király életének részletei és a hozzá kapcsolódó emléktárgyak láthatóak.

Internet: alapvetően nem elérhető, a közösségi média (pl. Facebook) működése le van tiltva, e-mail cím csak királyi engedély alapján, kiemelt személyek részére igényelhető.

Vallás: keresztiszlám (nők megkövezése engedélyezett, oktatásuk, közszereplésük tiltott)

Pártok: Királypárt, melynek minden állampolgár kötelezően a tagja és fizetésének 80%-át köteles tagdíjként befizetni. Ellenzéki pártok nincsenek, halálbüntetés vagy életfogytiglani börtön jár érte.

Abortusz és terhesség elleni védekezés: tiltott, a megtermékenyítés irányított, a király által kijelölt személyeknél köteles hetente jelentkezni minden 14. életévét betöltött nőnemű állampolgár, mindaddig, míg teherbe nem esik. Szülés után 6 héttel a jelentkezés újra kötelező.

Szavazás: 10 évente, szavazólapokon 1 kérdés: Kiemelkedőnek ítéli-e az ország működését? Válasz rubrika: 1 db IGEN lehetőséggel.

Az ország határai: 5 méter magas – árammal védett – kerítés öleli körül a teljes országot.

Utazás: az országban élő átlagos állampolgároknak nincs útlevelük (kizárólag az udvartartás alkalmazottai jogosultak erre), az ország területét nem hagyhatják el, turisták látogatása vízumhoz kötött.

Szavazásra jogosult: minden magyar állampolgár, akinek az IQ-ja bizonyíthatóan nem éri el az 50-et, valamint azok a határon túli magyarok, akik támogatják az ország jelenlegi működését. Az országot elhagyó korábbi lakosok állampolgárságát visszavonták, tettüket hazaárulásnak minősítették.

Speciális rendelkezések: kijárási tilalom este 8 után; a férfiak engedetlen házastárs esetén korlátlanul alkalmazhatnak testi fenyítést; a közrendért felelős kopaszok utasítását mindenki köteles azonnal végrehajtani

Szociális juttatások: házipálinka korlátlan mennyiségben igényelhető

Egészségügy: ráolvasás, kuruzslás. Orvosi ellátás és gyógyszer csak az udvartartás részére áll rendelkezésre.

Foglalkoztatottság: 100%-os, minden állampolgár köteles a királyi birtokokon napi 16 órát aktívan tevékenykedni.

Pénznem: Az uralkodó arcképével ellátott MAKID = Magyar Királyi Dollár

Átlagfizetés: pénzforgalom nincs, az átlagos állampolgárok utalványokat kapnak, melyet a király üzleteiben költhetnek el.

Közbiztonság: az erősebb kutya….. elve alapján, védelem csak a királyi udvar tagjait illeti meg, az ő megtámadásuk, inzultálásuk, esetleges megsértésük azonnal végrehajtandó halálbüntetést von maga után

Élővilág: a fák és a bokrok kiirtásra kerültek, a királyi birtokokon kívül minden le van aszfaltozva.

Közlekedés: gépjárművel csak az udvartartás jogosult közlekedni, az állampolgárok számára csak a gyalogos vagy a kerékpáros közlekedés a megengedett.

Kiemelt történelmi személy: Horthy Miklós, szobra minden utcasarkon megtalálható.

 

MÉG DÖNTHETSZ MÁSKÉPP 2018-BAN!!!!

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  69. Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass’ favor.

  70. Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

  71. This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.

  72. Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

  73. The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

  74. The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

  75. Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

  76. Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.

  77. This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.

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