A kormány emberei Soros György kiképzőtáborát keresték egy idős magyar falusinál – vigyázz, humor!

– Jó napot kívánok! Ismerős Ön errefelé?

– Jó napot! Itt lakom már vagy 50 éve. Miben segíthetek?

– A kiképzőtábort keresem.

– Hogy mit?

– Tudja, a Soros által létrehozott és felépített kiképzőtábort.

– Hát, erre maximum egy kemping van, de azt nem ajánlanám.

– Olyan helyet keresek, ahol le tudnak szállni a repülők.

– Milyen repülők?

– Hát, amivel Soros idehozatja az embereket.

– Ki az a Soros?

– Jaj, de tájékozatlan maga! Nem néz tévét, nem hallgat rádiót? Nem olvassa az óriásplakátokat?

– Nem kérem, nekem erre nincs időm az állatok és a gazdaság mellett.

– Soros az az ember, aki magát tönkreteszi.

– Engem kérem csak az a gázszerelő tesz tönkre, aki megvette a legelőim nagy részét. De őt nem Sorosnak hívják, hanem valami hentesnek.

– Ne térjünk el a tárgytól. Árulja el végre, hol van az a kiképzőtábor.

– Miért fontos ez magának annyira?

– Tényfeltáró riportot akarok készíteni, amelyben leleplezem a hazánk romba döntését akaró liberális-bolsevik ellenzék külföldi felkészítését.

– Na, hát miért nem ezzel kezdte. A bolsevikok ott vertek tanyát az erdő mélyén.

– És most is ott vannak?

– Hogy lennének ott? Már rég meghaltak, erről is csak a nagyapám meséiből tudok.

– Maga szörnyen értetlen, de én nem adom fel. Meg fogjuk együtt találni azt a helyet, mert biztos, hogy létezik.

– Miért lenne biztos?

– Mert maga Rogán Antal mondta.

– Az meg kicsoda?

– Jaj, hát ő dr. 5. ker.

– Na, így már ismerem. Az ember mindjárt szívesebben segít egy ismert embernek. És ha ő mondta, akkor biztos úgy van. A pudingokat is mindig úgy készíti el a feleségem, ahogy ő leírta.

– Milyen pudingokat?

– Hát tudja, azt a rózsaszínt, meg a csokoládésat. Azon is rajta van, hogy Dr. Oetker. De az arca sajnos nincs előttem, mert az nincs rajta a pudingos zacskón.

– Ne keverje össze a két embert. Akiről maga beszél, az egy gonosz kapitalista kizsákmányoló, minden valószínűség szerint Soros régi barátja, akiről meg én, az a magyar nép egyik hőse, aki életét kockáztatva helikopterrel ment a barátja esküvőjére, hogy időben odaérjen.

– Helikopterrel? Azzal, amelyik a szúnyogokat irtja?

– Nem azzal. De hagyjuk is! Térjünk vissza a kiképzőtáborra. Maga valószínűleg azért nem tud róla, mert álcázva van.

– Álcázva? Minek álcázták?

– Azt nem lehet tudni! Ezektől az ügynököktől minden kitelik.

– Ez már szent igaz. A múltkor is járt itt egy ilyen, és mindenáron rá akart erőltetni a feleségemre valami flancos edénykészletet.

– Ezek nem ilyen ügynökök. Akikről én beszélek, hazánk biztonságát veszélyeztetik, és arra tanítják az ellenzéket, hogy kell megdönteni Orbán miniszterelnök hatalmát.

– Miért kell azt megdönteni? Hamarosan úgyis vége lesz.

– Hogy mondhat ilyet? Kitől hallotta ezt a borzasztó hazugságot?

– Mindenki beszéli a faluban. Józsi mondta, hogy amikor itt jártak a fekete autósok, akkor hallotta, hogy valami űrhajó kilövő állomást akarnak ide építeni. Nyilván azért, mert csak ezzel tudják messzire elvinni azt a sok-sok pénzt és kincset, amit összeszedtek. Ezt is a Józsi mondta, és ha ő mondta, akkor az úgy is van.

– Ki az a Józsi?

– Ő a postás. Mindenről tud, ami a faluban történik. Arról is, hogy ki mire használja azokat a színes papírokat, amiket a miniszterelnök úr saját kezűleg küld nekünk.

– Csak nem a nemzeti konzultációs nyomtatványokról beszél? Nem küldték vissza?

– Hát hogy küldtük volna, kérem? El se olvastuk. A szomszéd ugyan belenézett, de azt mondta, a pesti népek meg akarnak állítani valamit. Nekünk csak traktorunk van, az biztos nem elég a megállításhoz, úgyhogy az ember inkább nem szól bele az ilyen kényes dolgokba. Mert mi van, ha rosszat karikázunk be? Még a végén ideraknak még egy stadiont. Ez az egy is sok! Bár a kisvonat jó ötlet volt, így nem kell gyalog átmennem a szomszédhoz a kapáért, mert minden háznál van megálló.

– Szóval nincs ötlete, hogy ki tudhatja a kiképzőtábor címét… Nem látott idegeneket errefelé?

– Idegeneket? Maga is olyan nagyfejű, gülüszemű lényeket keres, mint az a múltkori fekete bőrruhás fickó, aki énekelt? Neki is csak azt mondhattam, hogy van, akire illik a leírás, de azon focimez van Puskás Akadémia felirattal.

– Hagyjuk inkább, látom, hogy magával nem megyek semmire. Már csak egy kérdésre válaszoljon: maga kire fog szavazni jövőre?

– Hát magamra. A múltkor azt mondta nekem az asszony: Béla, olyan hülye vagy, hogy ennyi ésszel akár képviselő is lehetnél. Átgondoltam, és igaza van. Bajuszom van, káromkodni, tapsolni és vigyorogni tudok, ennyi pénzért pedig kibírom azt a néhány gombnyomást.


Katona Andrea

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